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Get to know good thoughts for this moment, the importance of being aligned with your partner and how the law sees who lives together.
A few decades ago, living together without being married was something of a scandal in the neighborhood. Today, few Brazilians still find this arrangement strange.
And living together can happen at different times in a couple’s life: before or after marriage, with or without children, with or without registration in the registry. There are many possibilities!
In this post, you will find:
Important signs to move in together (or at least talk about it)
How to get around the fear of living together
How to start the conversation to live together
How the Law sees rights and duties of couples living together
6 signs that it’s time to move in together
1. You plan for the future by taking each other into account
When there have been serious conversations about what you plan to do in two, three, five years and beyond and these plans involve each other, that future is in the making. And living together is part of that for a lot of people!
2. You already spend more time at each other’s houses
It is common that, during courtship, the couple ends up spending several days at a time (or weeks or even months!) in each other’s home. Sometimes one house is more frequented than the other, sometimes it’s something more balanced. It varies with each situation. When this has been going on for a long time, deciding to move in together is almost a natural decision – and you save a rent!
3. It makes financial sense (and you know how to talk about it)
Living together means sharing, prioritizing and talking a lot about financial resources. This clarification is vital to avoid unnecessary problems and embarrassment, as money is a difficult subject for many people. If the expenses involved in living together are clear and there is maturity to talk about the topic, the decision becomes easier.
4. You help each other with household chores
When living together with someone, be it a partner, a friend or a family member, you need to establish rules, boundaries and good practices when it comes to keeping the house in order. If you already know how to help each other with these tasks – and talk about them when things aren’t working – then you’re on your way to living under the same roof.
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5. Do you feel excited to change your life
Living with your boyfriend every day is definitely different from any other living arrangement as it becomes the famous “life for two”. And that can be really cool! So if learning new ways to live together and trying new things makes sense for you, living together will be an interesting adventure.
6. Expectations are aligned
All the items mentioned above deal, in a way, with expectations (financial, affective, practical…). Having them lined up is extremely necessary so that one party doesn’t understand one thing and the other understand something totally different. And if there is a lack of clarity of alignment, those who want to live together have the maturity to bring this matter up.
Dodging the fear of living together and “gathering the rags”
Living together is not an overnight decision, but it also doesn’t need to be seen as definitive. Living together is something a couple can try when they feel mature enough to do so, and it can also be changed or even undone if the need arises.
In other words, don’t be afraid to test: many couples even include a “test drive” in their planning to move in together.
And when communication is good enough to adjust and fine-tune what is necessary – noises in the beginning are practically unavoidable, it is normal –, this experiment becomes more and more interesting, strengthening ties and expanding horizons of coexistence.
There are, of course, some common questions, such as “what if I lose my privacy?” or “what if I want to spend some time alone?”. The answer for both lies in good communication with the partner.
There’s no need to be afraid to want your own space and spend time on your own. In fact, when necessary, specialists advise asking your partner for this time – whether in the form of taking a solo tour of the neighborhood, taking a certain course, doing an activity on your own, and so on. That way, you guarantee space to process your feelings and don’t create unnecessary resentment.
Another fear of living together involves fighting with your partner. But arguments and conflicts are unavoidable in any couple’s life, so it’s not the fight itself that is the problem, but how the fight is processed. Again, the key is communication, as well as finding an argument that works for both of you to cool things off and not escalate friction. It can even be a sentence like: “This fight is going too far, it’s time to take some time to think”. Anything that works for both of them.